DAMNED IF YOU DO: DAMNED IF YOU DON'T: Trials of a Future TD Dog.

My name is LeMils Lethal Weapon, but because that is such an absurd name for a Doberman lap dog, everyone calls me Dillon. My mom's name is Penny, I think; all of us in the Cary/Carpenter house know her as Mom. She belongs to the Dog Tracking of Maine, and since I was a very young puppy, she has been trying to get me hooked on tracking. It's worked...I LOVE IT! Of course I am just learning, but I really, really love all the people who clap for me when I find what someone has dropped.

But back to my Mom. I mean, jeez, she used to shake old gloves at me and then hide them. And then I'd go find them. This made my Mom really, really happy. She'd clap and jump up and down and say, "G-O-O-O-D dog, Dillon!" But all winter when visitors would come to the house, I'd help them take off their gloves (some didn't do it fast enough) and carry them back to my Mom and then she'd say "B-A-A-A-D dog, Dillon, Shame." I wish she'd make up her mind! Then she gave me an old wallet of my dad's. His named is Dad Zeke and he's a policeman and wears a really neat dark blue uniform that shows off my pawprints really well. The wallet was awesome and Mom hid it all over the place, but she couldn't hide it from me for long! And then both Mom and Dad Zeke would tell me what a great little tracking dog I was.


So go figure what happened the other day. Dad Zeke came home in the middle of the afternoon in his awesome uniform which was soaking wet. He had been chasing a bad guy and had fallen down a steep hill and fell into the river. Dad Zeke said he was glad the family jewels were okay. (I didn't know we were rich enough to have jewels) He took off his uniform and put all the stuff from his pockets on the table to dry. Mom went to talk with him while he took a hot shower. I stayed behind to check things out and ZOWIE! I found a new wallet, one that had never been "found" before. I knew that because it didn't have any teeth marks or old doggy saliva. Well, a good tracking dog never lets an opportunity pass him by, so I took the wallet off the table and shook all the papers out because I knew Dad Zeke would get mad if I hurt those. (I did leave a couple of tooth marks on the picture of my human sister, Kimmy, but she's a doggy person and won't mind her new look.) Anyway, I found some money, which I love and ate that right off quick. After all, Mom is always saying that she has to make money to feed me, so I guess she would have wanted me to have that $4. When the wallet was empty (I'm such a smart dog) I made it mine. You know, rolled it around in my mouth a few times and then imprinted it with my very special teeth marks. Then I pranced right into the bathroom, tail up and ears perky, to give it to Mom like I do in the field and BOY OH BOY, she went ballistic! Even Dad Zeke peeked out of the shower and said, "Dillon, you're going back to Arizona where you came from!" Then he laughed so I guess Arizona is a funny place, but my Mom headed for the living room to find the stuff that was in the wallet. She wasn't laughing so I went back into the bathroom. I thought I might need police protection.

I hope everyone in the Dog Tracking Club of Maine doesn't have such a hard time making up their minds like my Mom. It's enough to make a fellow paranoid. I mean, will she be happy or upset that I "found" her gray leather pumps that were in the back of her closet?

©copyright “Dillon” Cary March 1994