THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (DOBERMAN STYLE)
(with sincerest apologies to any and all who have anything to
do with the original version of this song) 


On the first day of Christmas, my Dobe pup shred for me
A partridge in a fir tree.
(An antique paper mache bird bought in a quaint little shop
on a romantic weekend pre-Dobes)

On the second day of Christmas, my Dobe pup chewed for me
a new pair of shoes,
(leather, of course, and meant for my New Year's Eve party)
And a partridge in a fir tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my Dobe pup shred for me
All the paper wrapping,
(gold and silver foil with embossed seasonal decorations)
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my Dobe pup gnawed for me
four antique chair legs,
(newly polished for the Mother-in-law's Christmas present)
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree

On the fifth day of Christmas, my Dobe pup ate for me
F-i-i-v-e k-i-i-t-t-y- poops!
(taken DURING their elimination!)
four antique chair legs,
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas my Dobe, pup tore for me
Six nylon stockings,
(black fishnet @ $7.95 a pair meant to be used to help keep
hubby jolly)
F-i-i-v-e k-i-i-t-t-y- poops!
Four antique chair legs,
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my Dobe pup left for me
A loose stool in the parlor,
(on the hand-me-down Oriental rug from hubby's recently deceased
great aunt)
Six nylon stockings,
F-i-i-v-e k-i-i-t-t-y- poops!
Four antique chair legs,
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my Dobe pup ate for me
A whole tin of Macadamia nuts
(a traditional gift for Uncle Harry, imported from Macadamia,
wherever the hell that is!)
A loose stool in the parlor,
Six nylon stockings,
F-i-i-v-e k-i-i-t-t-y- poops!
Four antique chair legs,
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my Dobe pup chomped for me
Nine stick-on labels
(hand done in calligraphy to impress the aforementioned
mother-in-law)
A whole tin of Macadamia nuts
A loose stool in the parlor,
Six nylon stockings,
F-i-i-v-e k-i-i-t-t-y- poops!
Four antique chair legs,
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my Dobe pup wrecked for me
An complete ceramic nativity scene
(ugly but a gift from dear Aunt Doris who only visits every
five years and this is the fifth year)
Nine stick-on labels
A whole tin of Macadamia nuts
A loose stool in the parlor,
Six nylon stockings,
F-i-i-v-e k-i-i-t-t-y- poops!
Four antique chair legs,
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my Dobe pup stole from me
An entire bowl of icing
(meant for the gingerbread house that took a week to complete for
an entry in a neighborhood contest. I was going to win this year!!)
A complete ceramic nativity scene,
Nine stick-on labels
A whole tin of Macadamia nuts
A loose stool in the parlor,
Six nylon stockings,
F-i-i-v-e k-i-i-t-t-y- poops!
Four antique chair legs,
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree.

(At which time I administered large dose of 3% peroxide,
(recommended by Dobe vets everywhere)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my Dobe pup gave BACK to me
Some of the hydrogen peroxide,
An whole bowl of icing,
An complete ceramic nativity scene
Nine stick-on labels
A whole tin of Macadamia nuts
A loose stool in the parlor,
Six nylon stockings,
F-i-i-v-e k-i-i-t-t-y- poops!
Four antique chair legs,
All the paper wrapping,
A new pair of shoes,
And a partridge in a fir tree. 

copyright Penny Cary